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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
Play Bi Play
New(bie) Adventures
more sexual advice advice
lifestylelounge.com
Lifestyle Etiquette
lifestylelounge
SMS - Single Male Syndrome
Honesty vs. Vague Truths
rightmore etiquette advice
swingers
relationships
Relationship Advice
To Swing or Not to Swing...
Please Communicate Desires
more relationship advice
Friendships, Clubs & More...
Well-Endowed
Blocking
more friendship advice
Almost everything you wanted to know about the lifestyle, couples, bi curious females and swingers clubs... but were afraid to ask !!!


Question: Party Time ;)

Dear Lounge Advice,

I will be attending my very first party this weekend! Though I am very excited, I am also a little nervous. I have a few insecurities that I have been working on with the help of my amazing boyfriend, but I am worried that they will crop up at the wrong time.

This will not be his first time but I want our first time together to be memorable. This lifestyle is something I have been interested in for a very long time and am confident I finally found the right one to experience it with. Any tips on calming the nerves and patting down those pesky insecurities for this first timer?



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

Communication...Communication...Communication...It is very important that you both decide on the "rules" and what is acceptable and what it is not. Take things nice and S L O W...sometimes when something is new, your instinct is to "hurry up" and get through it quickly...this is not a good idea in this type of a situation. Undoubtedly, you will end up doing something that you are not okay with, or he will do something that you are not okay with, and although in the moment you might be okay...later on (ie...on the drive home or the next morning) the "cropping up" will occur and that usually does not end well.

If things begin to progress too quickly, make sure you just COMMUNICATE with him that you need to slow down or take a time out...that is okay, and anyone worth their weight in gold understands when a "break" is needed...without judging.

And please remember...just because this is your first party you are attending together does not mean that you HAVE to play. Sometimes it is just as fun to meet new friends and make plans for the future as it is to get down and dirty ;)

Good Luck and Stay Sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Spotlight Profiles

Dear Lounge Advice, How do I add my profile to the spotlight?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi There

On the home page, at the bottom of the "spotlight" profile there is a link that says "click here to view the full spotlight photo album." Click on that and at the top of that page, there is a link that states "if you would like to be pictured in the spotlight, click here..." and that will take to you the page where you enter your "spotlight profile paragraph."

Good Luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: SMS - Single Male Syndrome

Dear Lounge Advice,why is it so hard for a single male

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Truthfully, there tends to be three times (if not more) single males than single females in the LS. They call single females "unicorns" for a reason...they are incredibly rare and highly sought after.

That said, if you are a single male that encompasses respect, honesty, patient, trustworthy, and just an all-around gentleman, you should be able to make loads of friends...which can always turn into something much more.

Good Luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: MFM Fun

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are a couple that enjoy MFMís and are potentially looking to meet a desirable single male who has not experienced an MFM yet. Based on our experience, however with an experienced single male, we feel we would just guide him through it explaining a few simple specific guidelines but wanted to see what your thoughts on this are?

Thank you,
Anonymous twosome

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Dear Anonymous Twosome

The first thing that comes to mind is "be careful what you wish for...," meaning if your desire is to have an inexperienced male participate in an MFM, that might be what you get, and it does not mean that you will be able to guide him...as this is the gamble you take by working with "fresh meat."

However, I do see the allure of "corrupting" a newbie, and I can see this going one of two ways...either it will be one of the most amazing experiences that you ever have...or it will be one of the worst. Let me give you an example: You go to a sexy, happeniní strip club and it is the first night of EVER stripping for all the girls...there most likely will be some that are just "naturals" and there will be others that will clearly need some practice. If you are a regular at the club, the new girls "could" be loads of fun, and exciting to watch OR it could get boring and not maintain your attention for longer than 5 minutes. If you had the opportunity to go to a strip club with seasoned dancers vs. a club with all newbies, which would you prefer?? They both have there pros and cons.

My suggestion is that you sit down and write up a list of pros and cons, decide which one is more palatable, and go with that option...and then...the following weekend go with the opposite choice. This way you will know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, which option works for you both. Hope this helps. Good luck and stay sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Play Bi Play

Dear Lounge Advice,

I have recently broken up with my playmate of two and a half years. We met shortly after we were both widowed. We each lost spouses to cancer. We both have young boys (5. 6. & 8 yrs old.) Our parenting styles have become too disparate to ignore anymore. She as the first person I met after my wife died. I am a bi male and I want to move on. How do I meet new bi women who will accept and play with a bi male?

Any insight will be extremely helpful.

Chris

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

First, let me say that I am sorry for the break-up...even when they are necessary, it does not make it any easier to deal with the loss.

Second, my recommendation would be to NOT focus on the fact that you are a "bi male," but rather a newly single male, who is part of the LS, and is open-minded when it comes to partners. The fact that you are "bi" allows you to initially explore new playmates with women and/or men. After some "getting to know" time has occurred, which is undoubtedly when the discussion of wants/likes/desires will come up, this is the time to make determinations and decisions about whether you are a "fit" or not. Remember, oftentimes when we go out "looking" for something specific it is difficult to find, yet, when you least expect it, everything you have ever wanted practically falls in your lap (usually ;).

The beautiful thing about the LS is that most people are very open-minded, and nonjudgmental, therefore, allowing for all different shapes, sizes, likes and desires.

I suggest that you start emailing and reaching out to playmates that interest you, be open and honest ALWAYS, this will allow you to have intact integrity, and go have some CRAZY FUN! Good Luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: Honesty vs. Vague Truths

Dear Lounge Advice,

Iíve written in before and was pleased with your response, thanks. So, Iím sorting through something I may need to do more processing with elsewhere. I found a new playmate here, we click in lots of ways. He is married and he told me this up front. He is very private though and wants to keep his identity a secret and any communication about his wife is off limits. Iím used to having more open arrangements and Iím curious, what kinds of problems might come up for me if I choose to continue playing with this gentleman? Iíve had NO MARRIEDS as a personal standard before, had one brief affair many years ago and it was a mess for everyone so I swore I wouldnít do it again. Is it paranoid for me to worry about STIís, emotional safety for him at home, my emotional safety? He keeps asking me to separate the emotions from the sex act which I know is easier for some people than others. For him sex is more like an extreme sport, for me itís more like a tantric transformation. Could you offer any feedback on this? Hopefully Iím not being too vague in my question, maybe you get the gist of it.
Thanks-

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

First let me start by saying that finding the right partner, in LS or the vanilla world, is a highly satisfying experience. I can certainly appreciate your description of "tantric transformation," because the right connection gives us all (well most anyway) a sense of feeling complete; like we spend our lives really looking for our "other half."

However, having said that, I have some red flags that are going up for me here, first, why does his identity need to be so private and why is communication with his wife "off limits?" Does she know, and approve, of his experiences with other women? My concern with this is two-fold, namely your feelings/emotions as well as the feelings/emotions of his wife. (Let me say it is possible that everyone is on the same page and is in agreement with all of this secrecy in which case, please disregard above).

Next, if you "swore" you would never dabble with "marrieds" again, what it is about this man that has made you question your own values/beliefs? Why did you decide to "go off the reservation" after such a difficult experience in the past?

Consequently, you are never "too paranoid" to worry about STIís...hopefully you are honoring yourself and doing the necessary check-ups.

Emotional safety is something that each individual needs to take care of themselves. I am not saying that you cannot appreciate and take into consideration his emotional safety, but it is not your responsibility. YOU and YOU alone are responsible for your own feelings (others only contribute to how we feel...in the end it is YOUR choice as to how you respond to someone else).

For most women, and men (more than most think) it is very difficult to separate sex from emotions. I know many would like to believe that this is possible, especially in the LS, but as human beings the two go hand-in-hand...like peas and carrots...as so eloquently put by Forrest Gump ;)

Having said that, most people involved in the LS are able to experience multiple playmates and not be "emotionally connected" to anyone other than their #1, but it is difficult to engage in any type of sexual act without feeling some emotion, although it isnít "love"...hopefully most would agree with me.

I would take into consideration all of these points before making your decision to continue with this playmate. Good Luck and Stay Sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: New(bie) Adventures

Dear Lounge Advice,

Iím new to, well pretty much all of this. Iím a 23 year old female whoís only known regular (boring) sex and have never tried anything different. The past year or so I havenít engaged in a sexual relationship because I honestly didnít find it interesting enough. Iíve finally decided that maybe normal "vanilla" sex just doesnít do it for me and that maybe something different will.

Hereís where Iím running into problems.... I keep trying to find information of where I can learn more about different lifestyles and eventually try some out; however, everything I can find ends up being a total dead end. Iím having a hard time finding real sources of information because it seems all there is out there is porn.

Iím looking for people who can help me figure out what my sexual likes and dislikes are, any ideas to point me in the right direction?

Thank you!

~Sara

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

Well you are in the right place to start sending a question on Lifestyle Lounge. Depending on exactly what questions you are wanting answered, there are numerous resources on this site alone. There are blogs, advice columns, forums, and above all, the very members that participate on this site. What you will find is that numerous "like-minded" singles and couples that have a more open mind to sexual pleasures are happy to share that knowledge that they have acquired..in fact, they are oftentimes "thrilled" to "share" not only information, but themselves; you simply have to ask.

There are many "adult" websites out there that are filled with mountains of information...However, I have found that being in the LS can be a frightening place for a "newbie," and, as in the vanilla world, can be somewhat contradicting. Yet the best "hands-on" experience you can gather certainly far exceeds any amount of research found on the World Wide Web.

I encourage you to reach out to different members here on LL...ask questions...make friends...explore new adventures...This, I believe, will help you find your sexual desires. Good Luck and Stay Sexy.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Is it me...or is it thee??

Dear Lounge Advice,

So my husband and I met with a couple whom we share not only similar personalities but also experiences, family situations....the works. The chemistry was there and after several meetings, we decided to host said couple. All was going well EXCEPT for the fact that my husband simply could not keep it up with the other wife. I tried to help and my hubby would get his zip going again- until she joined. Luckily for us, they were very cool and understanding. The other husband sent us the the pictures from our play time together- I showed them to my hubby last night and his rock hard boner went down like a chopped tree.

Hereís the dilemma: the other couple wants to get together again and I already know, the other wife is going to do her darndest to work her magic on my husband. We like these people a lot BUT at this point, itís pretty safe to say she just doesnít do it for my husband...

How do we handle this situation with them? Thanks for the help :)

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi There

I am not sure if your husband is "actually not" turned on by this woman or if he is having a physiologic response...that is to say sometimes our bodies sense/know more than our head. However, I do not believe that this has to b the end of the friendship. Many couples in the LS have very deep relationship bonds with other couples in the LS and either no longer play with them, or no longer play with them...that is the beauty of the LS...all the options that you have.

I would suggest maintaining the friendship and just requesting that, for now, you remain friends and not playmates, but that you are open to play time at a later date (or not). It is possible by deepening the connection on a "friendship" level may very well bring the closeness into the bedroom...if it never does than you are still friends...I call that a win-win.

If they are truly genuine and awesome people they will understand. Communicate...Communicate.... Communicate. It is the most important thing we do in any relationship. I hope this helps. Good luck and stay sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Interested in Getting Experience

Dear Lounge Advice,
We are new to LL. And it seems that we get great responses from people one time. Then it just stops when asking to meet somewhere. Iím not sure whether we are saying or doing something wrong, if itís the photos or itís just timing. Being new is difficult. You want to meet people and become experienced. But you canít meet people without experience. Lol

Any thoughts

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi There

What are some of the great responses that you get?? Are they complimenting you, asking to set up a meet and greet? Wanting to know more about what your desires are?

Might I suggest a little heavy flirting before suggesting to meet in person. Some people/couples are shy; some are hypersensitive to privacy; and unfortunately, some are just downright rude. The question cannot be that you are doing something wrong...because if you are receiving positive responses initially, there is something that you are doing right. The question that is much more important to ask is "Is this a good fit for both couples?" or more importantly, "Is there is something that they are doing wrong?"

Is it possible that it could be your photos?? Yes. Is it possible that the timing is off? Yes. Is being new, on occasion, difficult? Absolutely. However, it comes down to what you make of your experiences. For every couple that isnít interested you, there are three more out that are, you just have to find them.

Donít worry about "becoming experienced," if there is one piece of advice I can provide, it is "Donít rush." Experience will happen...You will meet people...lots of people...Embrace everything this lifestyle has to offer...one day at a time. Enjoy all the new and exciting things that will cum your way :) Hope this helps. Good Luck and Stay Sexy.

  ASKROBYN
Question: To Stay and Play vs. Run

Dear Lounge Advice,

So, I feel ubber dumb for contacting you already but seriously, I need a little advice. Iím highly educated and have just started exploring the swinger lifestyle. I have dated in alternative communities before and have had both positive and negative experiences. I joined LL and had immediate luck with a gentleman that was a great fit! We like so many of the same things sexually and he was able to please me in a wonderful and caring way. We talked about getting together again but it has been awkward. He is married and is bi sexual but he plays with couples here and some singles and sais he and his wife have a "donít ask donít tell" agreement with one another because they tried to start swinging together and she decided she didnít like it. After one night together he talked about wanting to make me his slave (Iím a bit of a SUB) but I didnít realize what a slave truly was and how that was different than a SUB until I started doing some more reading. At first he didnít mind that I sent him lots of sexy emails and said it was OK to over communicate. Something shifted real fast though and suddenly he said I was annoying to him and that I was insecure and had all these hang ups and that he thought I was all over the place and etc etc etc implying that I could not handle the lifestyle and swinging with him again. Honestly, he got a little humiliating about it and I had my feelings hurt. Heís saying that if I want to connect with him on an emotional level then I need to be a total submisse to him even from afar (he is a business traveler). I really like this guy but Iím confused and he is making it a lot about me and my fears and said I need to get over my hang ups and not talk about the past with him.
So, my guess is I sound like I am whining here but I do like this guy and felt a connection with him and still do. We agreed to give it a breather and for me to contact him next week sometime (heís going to be in my area Aug 5/6). I donít want to push myself and be too hard on myself about all this because Iíd like to hold on to a friendship at the very least. I joined because I wanted to explore my bi side and have some no strings attached experiences with nice respectful people that were DD free. What does this sound like? Do I sound like I am new and maybe not getting it or that Iíve got some underlying expectations? I was wondering if this might have something to do with the single male issue...itís almost like he wants to have a playmate to make "his slave" so he can play with other couples. I feel like he and I need to get to know each other better 1:1 before I could do that and be safe and trust everything would go well.
Thatís all for now, thank you.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

No need to feel "Uber Dumb" Feelings and emotions are never dumb. Having said that, with the knowledge that you are just starting to explore the lifestyle, I implore you to not put all of your eggs in this one basket. Although you had, what appears to be a wonderful experience with this person at one time, it seems that his version of "slave" and your version of "sub" are a bit different...maybe even a lot different. I say this because it is possible that part of the "slave" role is to be humiliated, demeaned, and badgered, which is the behavior he seems to be expressing towards you currently. If not, quite frankly, he just seems to be an asshole. Not to mention a red flag popped up for me when describing how he and his wife have a "donít ask, donít tell" policy...that seems to scream a lack of veracity on his part. One way to be certain that everything is on the up and up...something that I would require of any and all partners I chose to play with is a connection with the spouse/significant other, just to confirm that everyone is on the same page. I am not stating that this is exactly the case her, but unfortunately, some people use the lifestyle to "cheat" on their significant others in a forum that is highly sexually charged and allows for anonymity.

I also question his assessment of your insecurities and "hang ups" and you being "all over the place" and not able to handle the lifestyle. Who makes him an expert on your behavior? (again, I wonder if this is part of his role playing the dominant to your slave). I implore you to not allow this ONE person to influential the way you wish to experience the lifestyle. Itís okay to check in with yourself about your feelings...are there insecurities? does it feel overwhelming? do you believe that you were "overcommunicating?" If so, that is something that you will need to work on either on your own or with a therapist. If not, then that is HIS issue. I have a hard time with people that humiliate and criticize others because of their own imperfections. Projection is a word that you should incorporate into your vocabulary. Usually when others are pointing the finger at you and saying negative and hurtful things, it is almost always a deflection from themselves onto others because its easier to blame someone else for their shortcomings vs. taking responsibility for their own poor behavior.

If you are comfortable role playing as a "submisse" these are situations that you might find yourself in. If it is too hurtful or humiliating, then possibly that is a role you might need to avoid in the future.

I question why you would want to talk about the past with him? The idea is not to have an intimate relationship with this married man. I could be a bit confused myself as to what it is that you specifically want from him. You discuss wanting to potentially have a friendship "at the very least" with this man, and yet the very definition of the role he wants to play with you seems to be his "slave" and friendship would not be a part of that relationship. You may want to re-evaluate if this is the right fit for you in the long-term. I am not sure more 1:1 will bring you anything more than what he has already provided; however, it is possible.

My highest recommendation/suggestion would be for you to experience several more partners before engaging with him again, so you can get a better idea of what it is that you are looking for in a playmate. Explore you bisexuality more and see where that leads to, and make sure that whatever you are doing, you are enjoying yourself and having fun. Your number one priority should always be to feel safe and comfortable with whomever you play with. Good Luck and Stay Sexy



  ASKROBYN
Question: Blocking

Dear Lounge Advice,

Can I block single men from contacting me?

Thanks!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

You can block anybody from sending you email. However, you have to do each one individually. On your profile page, in the header column at the top of the page you will see a hand icon that says "block" just below it. You need to pull up the profile you want to block and then click on the hand icon. It will take a little time and you will have to block each "single male" individually, however, it will accomplish what you are looking for.

Let me make a suggestion...you might find that nit all single males are deserving of being blocked and that if you keep an open mind, you may find something really amazing. Good luck and stay sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Viagra

Dear Lounge Advice,
I read a post where you mentioned you know a good source for viagra.
Could you share the contact?

Thank you
Luckyguy

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

My first recommendation would be to schedule an appt with your primary care physician. This is always the best, quickest and safest route first.

An alternative would be to Ask DRLOVE on this site...he apparently will not disappoint.

Good luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: Calling All Unicorns

Dear Lounge Advice,
We were recently on a different lifestyle site and paid for 6 mos but after a month we deactivated the account due to lack of selection mostly couples no unicorns. Here we are on this site (which weíve heard awesome things about) hopeful to find our unicorn yet nervous that we will paid to gain full asses to only notice the people we are interested in are no longer active or its all couples and few unicorns. Not sure if thereís an answer but this is our concern. Is there a search option that we can only view single women or unicorns?

Thank you for reading and accepting us!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

I am sorry to hear that you spent time and money on a site that did not provide you with what you were looking for. The best way to look for females is go to the "search" button at the top of the page and then there is a "females" link (as well as a "couples" and "males")...there is even a "new females" link that you can click on and it typically brings up anybody who has a "female" profile only. Then just scroll through and look to see what may be the best match for you. Hope this helps. Good Luck and Stay Sexy ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Judge of Character vs. Real Seal

Dear Lounge Advice,

I recently met someone on LL who I thought was handsome and nice from his pics and profile. I didnít notice he didnít have a real seal, but at least he turned out to be the person from his photos. Things didnít work out between us because he overstepped his boundaries a couple times (coming on way too strong/disrespectful), and was bragging about his sexual talents, which was making me feel uneasy about him. When I decided to give him a second chance (because there was some chemistry) and we had a romp in the sack, I didnít enjoy it and I decided not to see him again.
A couple weeks later he emailed me asking me to give him the real seal. I didnít feel like he was someone I wanted to recommend to anyone because he seemed emotionally immature and a total newbie kind of single guy. I gave it to him anyhow though because the seal is strictly about whether the person is real or not, not a judgment of their character.

Did I do the right thing??

~ Thanks ~


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

While the Real Seal is a tool to use to verify and validate the existence of a person being "real" it does not require you to offer it to just anyone. If you were uncomfortable with this person you are by no means obligated to "Real Seal" him just because he is an actual person...the idea is if there are others out there that meet him, and share your experience, it is possible that this person might not be "appropriate" for LL. However, having said that, you did a kind thing by giving him the Real Seal validation because he is a real person, just know that in the future you are not obligated to give the Real Seal to anyone that you are uncomfortable with. Good Luck and Stay Sexy ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Looking for More Action

Dear Lounge Advice,

Hi since we have been active on here we have received no mail from anyone except travel adds. We live in St Louis Mo. We visited Chicago, posted a booty call and got a lot of response, got invited to an amazing party of great looking people. Now I realize people tend to be attracted to their own race which is not racist just people do what they are use to, and she is black he is white, and then their is an age difference, however... We are considered a good looking couple in real life. Have had many threesome with females who have approached us. Do we live in the wrong town? Is anyone acctually doing this here?

People have said thing like, well you have been on here for a long time but did not post this kind of photo. But the truth was we signed on more than a year ago and just forgot we did, untill we resigned on and discovered we had a profile. Laugh.

I also read their are words you guys block like the medical word for the blue pill. If so, cam I know what words they are. Are all the profiles real? Help. Itís been many months on this site.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello there

Oftentimes mail comes from replies from others. My suggestion to you to generate additional emails from others is to reach out to some couples that interest you and let them know your feelings. Sometimes when we wait for others to respond we find ourselves frustrated and then possibly thinking, "Is there something we are doing wrong??" It sounds like the booty call did wonders for you...try that again...and again...and again ;)

I am a little confused in that you speak about black and white and being comfortable and "doing what theyíre used to..." please clarify...do you believe that you are not getting mail because you are a biracial couple??

There really is no "wrong town." Life is what you make of it and if there is not a lot of "action"...create some ;) If you look at the thousands of members on LL, you will see that people ARE actually on the site and there is plenty of action going on...sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper.

To my knowledge, there is no censorship of words, pictures or profiles. Profiles are all real as they are required to go through the administration for picture approval...AND every couple needs a REAL SEAL from another couple in order to "authenticate" the account, which means that couple is verifying that this profile/person/couple are real. Do you have a REAL SEAL from another couple??

Keep reaching out to other couples via email as well as putting yourself out on booty calls and you should start to generate some "play dates." Good Luck and Stay Sexy



  ASKROBYN
Question: Honesty is the Best Policy

Dear Lounge Advice, I have fallen for the most beautiful lady on LL. She is everything I ever wanted in a woman. She is full of life and makes me feel alive. She told me she started having feeling for me 3 years ago and I recently told her I loves her.

Now the problem We are both with Some one else (she is married) and we both canít stop seeing each other. I donít think itís lust cause we both tried to stop and we both miss each other what do we do?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Honestly...this is a bit distressing...The lifestyle is about expanding and strengthening the relationship you have with your partner...with not even the possibility of "falling" in love with anyone else...because if you are truly connected to your partner, the "need" for love from another source just is not present. My guess is that your respective partners are unaware of this information?? My first suggestion is that you make your partners aware of what has been going on for all of these years, and let them decide what they want to do about the demise of their relationship. One of the cardinal rules about being in the LS is honesty and it appears that this "new" relationship is based on anything but honesty. You are both being unfair to the partners you are committed to...the idea of any relationship is if you are not satisfied, happy and fulfilled...it is okay to move on...we live in a civilized society that allows for people to go their separate ways...there are proper channels to achieve this...and there are a deceptive channels as well.

However, I would ask yourself this, when people have affairs (and this is what you are doing) usually the reasons behind it are because there is dissatisfaction in the marriage/relationship...and unfortunately, by believing you are "in love" with the person you are engaged in the affair with, you are comparing an apple to an orange. You see, marriage requires communication, love, raising families, paying bills, life stressors, etc...Affairs are similar to "playing house"...it is a fantasy world...you typically do not engage in any of the aforementioned activities...but instead you "play" Affairs are very selfish acts that can destroy many people who happen to be in its pathway.

My advice to you and the "beautiful lady on LL" is to come clean with your partners and then let the chips fall where they may. Good Luck to you and focus on your integrity and character...it really is all we have ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Periods are for the end of a sentence ;)

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are headed to a nudist resort that we booked several months ago, and my wife might be getting her period during that time. Is there a way to delay or skip her period?

thanks

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hey there

If she is taking the pill, have her skip the "sugar pills" and just start taking the next pack of pills...this is not a guarantee, as she will be "tricking" her body into believing it already had a period...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnít. If she is not on the pill, I have no idea how to stop the "blood shed"..LOL...I recommend you speaking with her physician as well, whichever decision she makes. Good Luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: To Swing or Not to Swing...

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I are thinking about trying this lifestyle out. I am 100% on board, but she is on the fence. Any thoughts about how to get her to be more open to this lifestyle?

Thanks,
T

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello There T

Educate...Educate...Educate..Do some research together. Go to a couple of LS events with the understanding that you are just "watching" and not yet "participating." Look for a venue in Vegas to take her too...because remember what happens in Vegas...stays in Vegas ;)

It is very normal to be "resistant" to the idea of completely sharing your significant other. Since this seems to be the case for you, you will be best served by taking things very slowly...and at her pace. If you try to force the issue or "encourage" her too much you could very easily shut down the idea of the process for her.

Make sure you both have very specific rules that you will both abide by as well as constant reassurance by you that this is something that you are doing "together" and that there is no fun unless you are both on the same page. However, I will say, like anything else in life, not everyone is always in the same place at exactly the same time. As an AMAZING partner, if you get to the "next level" before she does, it is your duty...again as a loving spouse...to wait until she "catches up." Again, the quickest way to eliminate any chance of you both being on this journey together is to push her before she is ready.

Take things nice and slow...the fact that she is "thinking" about the possibility is more than most people out there. Embrace it and enjoy the ride. Good Luck and Stay Sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Two to Three...Let’s See ;)

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband and I are very new to the lifestyle. We have just recently realized that we both want to be with another women, While my husband seems very comfortable with being another women I on the other hand have been thinking. While I would really love to watch my husband with another women will I still feel this way after the "excitement" is over? Im sure in the heat of the moment it will be all good but happens when all is said and done. Will I regret what just happened. My husband reassures me that we are in this lifestyle to have fun and no matter what we will always play together and leave together. Am I over reacting or is this just newbie jitters

Thank you,
Newbie Girl

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there Newbie Girl

Being new to the LS it is understanding to have feelings that vacillate between "feeling comfortable" with the idea of inviting a third person into your bed and "feeling like a crazed lunatic" for thinking such an idea was ever worth crossing your mind...or that of your husbands...LOL...Two words...TOTALLY NORMAL

Most likely, you will need to have multiple experiences related to this, some of them will be comfortable and some will not, but I am pretty sure none will be bad. It has everything to do with how the two of you handle the situation and if you begin to feel uncomfortable the need for a "safe" word to let your hubby know that you either need a break or need out for the evening. I would suggest taking things very slow and COMMUNICATE about everything, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. The more you are able to comfortably communicate with each other about your feelings the easier it will be for you to transition from being a twosome to a threesome...BTW...Men are ALWAYS going to be "comfortable" sleeping with two hot, sexy women :) Good luck and stay sexy ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Generic Viagra

I believe that generic Viagra is available in other countries; Pfizerís patent ran out in Europe and in Canada they lost their patent in 2012. Can you tell me what the difference between the Pfizer and generic drug is, if any?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

There really is no difference. The generic equivalent typically has to do with the cost of the medication. I am always weary about purchasing medication online...it typically is never as effective because there is little to no regulation on that industry. The patent just allows them to charge more for the medication because the supply/demand is limited only to them...therefore, they can "own" the market and pretty much charge whatever they want.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Thanks, but No Thanks

Dear Lounge Advice, how do you respond to couples that answer your add but you are not interested in would like to be polite in this reguard.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi There

The best policy is honesty. Letting them know that you appreciate the interest, however, the feeling is not mutual. The other option is to plan to meet for a cocktail to get a chance to really know them and base your decisions on this, because you never know what the possibilities are until you speak/see someone in person...sometimes you get lucky and find the diamond in the rough that way.

There are not many ways to tell someone that you are not interested in them without one or both partners feeling hurt in some way...its an ego deflater...but at the end of the day you are only responsible for you...not how others react.

Good Luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: "exposed"

Dear Lounge Advice,

I have a health question. I recently had my annual gyno appointment and also had a physical since I now have good health insurance.
They told me (and I have never been told before) that I have been exposed to Herpes I and 2.
I am very new to this site - havenít even met anyone in person.
I am a female in my early 40ís and I dated someone in my early 20ís who had Herpes (he had everything under control) - but I never have shown any signs - no cold sores, canker sores, and nothing odd below the belt. The nurse again said - "exposed".
When I was in my late 20ís, knew that I as positive for HPV.
So, is this no big deal as long as I always use condoms? Or, being a good, sensitive and health conscious person, tell each person before I get intimate?
Thanks,
HealthConscious/Anonymous (made up name)

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there

Being "exposed" does not mean you have contracted the virus (if that was the case just about everyone on the planet would have to fess up). Most people have been exposed and carry a latent form of the herpes virus in their bodies. The + HPV means you have antibodies to one of the viruses in your blood, but that the virus has been subdued in your system. The word "exposed" can be misleading. There are more than 100 types of herpes viruses. The one you are most concerned with are HPV I and HPV 2, which is of the oral and genital nature. If you have tested positive for the HPV virus that is the equivalent of "being exposed" and your best bet would be to get tested again in three months and then three months after that. Because viruses can lay dormant in your system for long periods of time.

However, having said that, I would always recommend using a condom until you are only engaging in sexual activities with one person. Living in the Lifestyle is fun...only as long as everyone plays safe, and when you always use condoms its a safe bet that the possibility of contracting any type of STD is slim to none.

Telling all the partners you play with is your decision, however, honesty is always the best policy and most people appreciate being able to make informed decisions. Good Luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: Unicorns Wanted

Dear Lounge Advice, I was wondering how i can find a local bi female in michigan that would like to play with me and show me what its like to be with a female and let my husband watch and play later

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

The first thing that I would suggest is to put on your profile that you are bi-curious and interested in playing with a female while your husband watches. Another option is to check the "booty call" section and throw up there where you are located as well as exactly what you are interested in. I would be willing to bet that you will find exactly what you are looking for in a fairly short amount of time. Lastly, blogs are another way to "advertise" what it is that you are looking for, especially if you either create or find a "bi-curious/bi-sexual" blog that may already be there. Good Luck and Stay Sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Iím Sexy and I Know It!

Dear Lounge Advice,

This is a little embarrassing to admit - thus the anonymity. I have been approached by couples on the site, but when I see their photos and they are ultra hot, in shape, and she has big, beautiful fake breasts, I canít imagine they will possibly consider me an equal in bed, considering my breasts are small and starting to look saggy. The same thing happens to me with my height - I am 5í petite so when I am contacted by a couple who are both 6í or so, I feel intimidated, like I will be looked at as inferior or child-like. I want to shake this all because I am normally a very confident person when I am one-on-one with someone. I just have not had the experience of being in bed with multiple people where I feel they are more attractive than me.

Is there some way to communicate my feelings in a way that will not hurt me, or do I need to just swallow it and pretend I donít feel this way?? Fake it til I make it?? I feel mortified thinking about it.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello there...there is no need to "fake it til you make it." the first thing you must remember about being in the LS (or in the vanilla world for that matter) EVERYONE is UNIQUE and has gifts to offer to others. AND if the couples are approaching you on the site that tells me that there is at least an initial attraction. I would certainly hope that men and women are interested in finding someone that is different than their partner... My significant other always states "I already have my perfect little red sports car...I just want to take the others or a test drive..."

Donít fret of you donít have the "perfect" body...again, there are very people that have "perfect bodies" and even fewer that donít have some concern about being "less attractive."

If you THINK that you are less attractive that is the message that you send out to everyone and oftentimes the message is loud and clear. Believe in yourself and promote all the "gifts" that you have, and others will start to notice your "gifts" as well. The power of positive thinking (or the Law of Attraction) is a very powerful tool...ie If you think they wonít like you...they wonít...if you think they will like you...they will. Never feel mortified for feelings that you have...Feelings are gateways to our souls ;) Good Luck and Stay Sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: Single Male Invites

Dear Lounge Advice, can older single male get invited to swinger party

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It is possible for single males to get invited to swinger parties. However, they usually need to attend with a Unicorn (single female) or go with another couple. If there is a charge for the party, single males usually pay the most money. Good Luck and Stay Sexy ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Unicorns Rising

"Dear Lounge Advice,
I am a single woman who is interested the"Lifestyle". I have had one experience with a couple, whig has ignited a fire within me.
I am confused from a single womanís stand point to where I even begin to proceed? The lifestyle seems much more directed towards couples versus single woman?
I would appreciate some guidance as well as direction with rules concerning my place within this lifestyle.
Thank you,
Lisa

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Oh girl...Single women...often referred to as "Unicorns" really are rare...and considered some of the most precious gems in the Lifestyle. Single women are highly sought after. Rules typically are based on an individual basis...ie..follow the direction of the couple. Some couples want you to be with them as a threesome, some prefer that you see each partner individually, some couples want to have single women all the time and others choose to engage with the single females only on occasion. Many single females prefer to find a handful of their "favorites" and stick close to home where others prefer to play with a different couple every weekend. In other words, in most circumstances single females can write their own ticket. Best advice I can give you is to be respectful of the coupleís rules and make sure solid boundaries are in place...BTW you too can have boundaries with the different couples that you play with...ie..maybe you are okay with having anal sex with one guy, but not another or your comfortable kissing one partner, but not another. If everyone sticks to the rules that are laid out in the beginning, the single female can be quite an ASSet to just about any couple. Good luck and stay sexy!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Cock sucking Wife

Dear Lounge Advice, my wife love to suck cock and she is good at it.when she suck my cock I never cum and it upset her.what can she do to make me cum while she sucking my cock

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),



First question...Are you able to climax with other people??? or do you just have difficulty reaching climax with your wife?

If you have trouble ejaculating with all partners...it might be that you need to work on some of your techniques.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Photos

Dear Lounge Advice,how o you pload pictures? iPad photos ok?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You go to "My Account" and then click under "Manage my photos and videos" and click on the page you want the pictures uploaded to ie...real seal, private or open. The photos are then submitted and you have to wait for LL administration to approve the pictures, which usually takes less than 24 hours.

To upload images from a tablet..

To send/upload Images to your LL profile using your outside Email account, you simply attach a photo to your outside email address, and send it to our server.

Your image upload must be in JPG format, and the email must not contain any other JPG images, such as a signature image. You may only upload one JPG per email.

The Email address you send from has to be the address you have registered in our database for your LL account. This is to prevent SPAM from appearing in your shared photo album. (If you must change your email address that is registered to your account, please read our help section for further instructions or click here)

You have to send to yourmembername@llupload.com.

If you include a subject line in your email, the subject text will default as your photo caption. Leaving your subject blank with default to a photo caption "Mobile Upload"

Once the email is sent, within a minute you will receive a confirmation email indicating upload success or failure.

You may then enter your photo albums from your mobile device. The photo album management tools have also now been added to our mobile site as well (m.lifestylelounge.com). From there you can copy your photo to any of your other photo albums for view by the membership.

You may also share your photos with other members if desired. (Please read our help section for more information on photo sharing)

Please remember, all photo uploads that are moved to the silver, gold or private photo sections must still go through our administrative review process. Please allow a little time for your photos to be reviewed before they are made visible to the membership.

Good luck and stay sexy

  ASKROBYN
Question: Save face. Shave balls

Dear Lounge Advice,

What is the best razor to use when shaving my balls?

and after shaving my balls is it ok to shave my face, or should I shave my face first and then shave my balls?

I also want to shave my taint.

Love,me

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

First of all...PLEASE do not shave your balls and your face with the same razor...you are only asking for trouble. Having said that, an electric razor is usually best for your balls...(A remington travel shaver does wonders for balls) and any razor that you are comfortable with works for your face...However, make sure you have one razor for your balls and a DIFFERENT razor for your face. Stay Sexy and Keep me posted

  ASKROBYN
Question: To Real Seal or Not to Real Seal

Dear Lounge Advice,
how to become real member ?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

SF and couples need to be real sealed by another real sealed couple or by submitting a confidential photo to LL. SM need to be real sealed by actually meeting a real sealed SF or couple.

Hope that helps and enjoy LL

  ASKROBYN
Question: Craigís List

Dear Lounge Advice,

WE are looking for this relationship. How can we get our message out to all the unicorns?


Gig of a lifetime.

Attractive, fit couple in our 30ís is looking for a long -term live in girlfriend experience. We travel extensively, eat healthy, work out daily and enjoy the finest Los Angeles has to offer.

At times we like to have a group relationship and at times we are interested in having an 1:1 experience with you. I (the female) is sometimes ill or exhausted and I am looking to have my partner entertained. I (the female) would like to spend time with both you and my partner together and separate. Iím looking for a best friend and an excellent lover for all of us.

We have plenty of space in our luxurious homes and love entertaining. We have a daily housekeeper and a chef so you would not be cooking or cleaning for us but enjoying our company as we would like to enjoy yours. We are looking for someone who is discrete, attractive, fit and loves entertaining. We enjoy quiet nights in the Jacuzzi, love catching up on TV, having a dozen or two people over for dinner or simply going out to dinner and a show. We love going out to dinner but clubbing is not our thing. We are drug and disease free and rarely drink. We are looking for a woman who has similar interests.

This is a perfect situation for an aspiring actress, model, artist etc . .

Will you be interested in meeting us? Please send us your bio, a little bit about you and why you are interested and 2 photos Ė face and full body picture. We are seeking a mutual beneficial long-term relationship Ė this is not an escort experience. If we feel there is a match we will reach out to you.


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

My suggestion would be Craigís List or another medium, as you are trying to reach a particular group..ie unicorns. Keep us posted on your success.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Certify me baby

Dear Lounge Advice,hi I am not certified yet and a couple females want to white list me but they canít, how can they white list me, thanks

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You can become real sealed by having another real sealed LL couple or single female verify that they have met you.

At first it may seem like a little bit of work to become real sealed but the benefits are great. It also assures others that you’re not here to just waste their time.

Good luck and enjoy LL.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Just Starting

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are new and just starting the journey into the lifestyle. Any advice on how to proceed? M

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;


Welcome to LL. My strongest advice for newbees is to go slow and communicate with your primary partner. Keep in mind this is suppose to be fun..

  ASKROBYN
Question: Vacation

Vacation for LL Advice

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Lounge Advice is taking the rest of month of November off and will return refreshed in December Until then please leave your advice questions and they will be responded to in early December.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Just starting out

Dear Lounge Advice,
My wife and I are curious about the Lifestyle so I joined the site to look for help on getting started . Any advice ????
Thanks,
Joe

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

If you havenít already, you will need to explain this in your profile if you havenít.

That being said, you need photos. Many people wonít give you the time of day, much less agree to meet, without photos. Also get real sealed ASAP.
As for approaching people, just treat it like dating. How would you approach someone you are interested in? Just send a friendly hello, see if theyíre interested, then get to know each other, then make plans to meet.
Essentially, this site is another version of a dating site. Treat your interactions as such.


  ASKROBYN
Question: The rule is the rule

Dear Lounge Advice,

On NYE last year, we were invited to a house party. We knew the couple who was hosting, had partied with them before, and knew other couples at the party. As the night went on, I had had too much to drink so my partner helped me into bed. Probably about an hour later, I woke up to find him not with me. I went up stairs and found him with the hosting couple, and the other Mrs was giving him oral. Iím positive that if I hadnít gone upstairs they would have had sex. Alcohol and drugs were a factor.

We have since gone through counselling. As our always play together rule was VERY clear. I feel that we have made alot of progress. I still feel sometimes that I canít trust him or that maybe he values sex over our relationship.

We have a great relationship otherwise and are best friends. Iím worried as we get closer if another incident like this happens, I would have to cut ties with the LS, though he assures me it wont happen again. Iím worried that if I cut ties with the LS he would no longer want to be in a relationship.

What are your thoughts?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Dear Anonymous

First of all the rule was clearly broken if you have the "play together only" rule. I am glad to hear that you went to counseling. Trust is a very important piece of being in the LS. I will say this, Trust is like a clean piece of white paper, if you crumple it up one time, no matter what you do to it, smooth it out, iron it, etc...it will never be quite the same. Not to say that broken trust requires the ending of a relationship, just know that it is a scar that will remain with the relationship forever. However, scars are reminders of where we have been and what we have survived. Your role in this by choosing to stay with him in the LS is to give him back the trust that was broken...completely...otherwise, you will have a difficult time no matter where you are in the LS. However, trust is earned and he needs to "prove" to you that he is in this for the long haul. I would recommend that you share with the counselor and him your concerns about how he may "value sex over your relationship" and get that cleared up. At the end of the day, you need to feel comfortable and confident with your partner in the LS, and if you are concerned that if you "left" the LS he would leave you...that is a red flag. Good luck and keep me posted ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Oral and Condoms

Dear Lounge Advice,

Topic I need advice on about stds. Is it recommended to use condoms for oral sex in the lifestyle?



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

From a best practices point of view in regards to STDís, yes condoms and dental dams should be used.

From what is generally accepted in the Lifestyle thou, condoms are not used for oral. My thought is if you are that concerned about STDís and oral, you might want to re-evaluate your desires in the Lifestyle as many people wonít play with you if you use condoms for oral.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Finding other members

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are traveling to Cuba in December and have found a couple to be intriguing. Do you think it is ok for us from the US to contact them via LL to possibly meet?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Of course :-)

  ASKROBYN
Question: A Lifestyle Card?

Dear Lounge Advice,

When you join do you get a card that lets you go to local parties that are held in my area. Iím in the minneapolis mn area. There have been private parties that are held at the Gay Nintyís Bar in downtown minneapolis?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

You need to become real sealed as explained on the LL home page and then interact with members. This will be your best opportunity to get invited to these private parties at your local bar or club .

  ASKROBYN
Question: Clubs in Mpls

Dear Lounge Advice,where are the club parties minneapolis mn?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I only personally know of a few , The Big O events and "Goin Underground", come to mind. Be sure to check out the clubs section for Minnesota for more great ideas.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Vanilla turning Chocolate

Dear Lounge Advice,

What would be the best approach to "feel out" a woman I meet in a vanilla setting to gauge her interest in joining the lifestyle?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Dear Anonymous

The best way to "feel out" where a woman stands sexually is to ask her. Pick multiple questions that are more LS oriented and gauge her reaction to the questions. There is a bit of "game playing" that you have to engage in, however, you donít want to go off the deep end if she is still learning to swim. Feel free to submit some questions to ASKDOCTORKIMMY for additional help if you are struggling with what types of questions to ask.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Disclosing HSV status

Dear Lounge Advice,

Itís posted on my profile that I am HSV positive. Should I assume that if a couple/SM/SF has contacted then they are aware of and okay with the situation? Or do I need to still bring it to table before anything happens?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I think you have done more than most already. However I would still mention it in conversation before things go too far. Again I think its great that you do disclose in your profile.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Needing to be needed

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for about six months, and while weíve had some soft swap experiences, we are having great difficulty transitioning to hard swap.

Weíve been to about a dozen house parties and club events, and she regularly gets two or three invitations to play, while I just encounter a series of polite no-thank-yous. We are both fun and successful people and HWP, but it definitely isnít happening for me.

She occasionally accepts invitations to play separately, but feels bad about leaving me high and dry in the other room.

I may be operating from a distinct disadvantage since we married young and Iíve been a good boy these past 30+ years. To this date, my wife remains my only hard-core sexual experience. If you are wondering, yes, she was much more experienced when we met, and is even more so now.

Do you have any advice on how we might fix this? I am becoming pretty discouraged. It seems the bright promise of the lifestyle has turned into some sort of cruel hoax.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Dear EZ

First, what "rules" have you established for yourself? Typically a step up from soft swapping is full swapping together only before you start playing separately. I will say that in the LS women do have an advantage as they tend to be the "ring leaders" and do most of the decision-making when it comes to who, what, where and why do we play with a particular couple. It definitely can be difficult when one partner gets more interest, although it is a rare occasion when there is complete equality.

Another option that you have to build your self-confidence would be to watch a lot of porn, read a lot of books and engage in whatever media you can get your hands on to help increase your sexual "prowess." No need to become discouraged...grab the bull by the horns and "own" what it is that you want. Good luck and Keep me posted.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Convincing the BF to take Viagra

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have been in a few situations where Viagra would have been helpful... my boyfriend is not sure about going to a doctor to ask for it.

Do you have any advice or help?

Thanks,
B&H

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

This is a common ailment often accompanied with pressure to perform or a lack of comfort with a new partner. It is often referred to as stage fright or performance anxiety. This problem is rather normal as far as swinging issues are concerned. Many men in the lifestyle experience this at one point, so donít feel defeated. Chances are, if you normally donít experience this with your regular partner, you do not have anything wrong with you physically.

This is a psychological issue of feeling pressure to perform. The problem can worsen with someone brand new. We all have a certain comfort level with our regular partners, thus alleviating the feeling of having to perform like a champ.

Feeling intimidated by a new sex partnerís prowess, fear of not meeting her expectations, and performing with other eyes on you can be far from comfortable. Sometimes failure to perform can also stem from worrying about your partner- her comfort level, whether she is okay with what youíre doing- or feeling a moral dilemma with swinging in general can cause problems.


It doesnít matter how stellar you are with your regular partner(s). Itís easy to let your mind mess with your body.

The simple solution is to talk with your partner and make sure that
youíre both on the same page so that nobody is uncomfortable with what may happen in bed with others. Peace of mind goes a long way. Next, get your hands on some Viagra or Cialis. They work
wonders! These wonder pills can often override the mindís overbearing tendencies, allowing you to enjoy yourself. Ladies, if you are having this issue with men, it is perfectly okay to procure some little helpers and offer them to your sex partners.



  ASKROBYN
Question: Getting our feet wet

Dear Lounge Advice, we are very new to the LS and do not yet know our limits as we have not played yet. We do, however, know that the Mrs would like to play with other women and has a hall pass to play with other men, but Mrs is not sure she is ok with Mr playing with other women. It has been discussed that if the chemistry is there, we will go with the flow and a full swap could happen. We have stated this in our profile so as to not mislead any potential playmates but feel that this is hindering our finding any play at all. What is the best way for us to find playmates and feel our way through until our preferences have been established?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

I think the best way while you get your feet wet is to attend numerous events and meet n greets. This will give you the ability to meet lots of people without having to decide to play that night. Obviously you will want to continue to communicate with each other through this new period.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Couples Cruises

Dear Lounge Advice,

I am single now and was in the lifestyle. Are the cruises couples only??please and thank you

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

Most of the cruises are for one male and one female. An extra single female can usually attend with them.

  ASKROBYN
Question: The proper gallery for our pictures

Dear Lounge Advice, should graphic pictures be limited to only private album? Not sure if our real seal pics are too graphic. Do not want to turn people off by showing too much, too soon. Should we or should we not have some pics of the "goods" in our real seal pics?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

This is entirely up to you based on your comfort . I would say the majority of members put graphic pics in their gold area and maybe some very hard core images in the password gallery. Again you get to decided

  ASKROBYN
Question: Wanting to be wanted

Dear Lounge Advice,

Iíve been feeling jealous and insecure, but not about my womanís other partners and swapping. Instead, itís because she gets more action than me and seems to be the in-demand member of this couple. Women and couples pounce on her and leave me fending for scraps (at least thatís how I feel sometimes). At various clubs and parties sheís usually the most giving person there and I guess when we swap I feel shafted because she gives so much to the other man and the other woman barely gives anything to me and is usually more focused on her. Ultimately, this just leaves me feeling unattractive to women and can be hard to recover from. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

-D

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi D

My recommendation would be to share this with your partner...if you havent already. Since she seems to be "the one" that everyone wants, its important that it is related to other couples that you play with that it is a "joint venture" and everyone wants to feel wanted...This could be implemented as easily as swapping in the same room close to each other and if you are being "neglected" your partner could "break-away" and give you more attention as a way of demonstrating that this is a foursome and not a threesome. Your feelings of unattractiveness are yours to deal with, although I understand where feeling "neglected" can play a role in those feelings, ultimately, the recovery you ned to engage in is being more assertive (not aggressive) when its playtime and letting your partner know what it is that you want. Good luck and keep me posted.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Starting out

Dear Lounge Advice,
my friend and I are wanting to explore each others fantasies together including 3 way girl and guy and some couples. we are both very open to ideas, but are having a hard time connecting with people, despite the attempt at emails and chatting. Do you know of any swinger clubs around the New Hampshire/Maine area? I know I need to add some pics, but I honestly am so new to this that I just donít know how to ask some one if they want to come play. I know someone wants to because they were kind enough to anonymously purchase me a year subscription w/no photos up yet! talk about generous, we prefer talking and seeing people first...you know get to know them...but no responses and I canít find any swinger clubs. help!
thanks
swinging cherry

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

If you havenít already, you will need to explain this in your profile because you are listed as a single female and you will get a LOT of people contacting you thinking that you are just a single female.
Technically, you are considered a couple if you are doing this WITH a friend. That being said, you need photos. Many people wonít give you the time of day, much less agree to meet, without photos.
As for approaching people, just treat it like dating. How would you approach someone you are interested in? Just send a friendly hello, see if theyíre interested, then get to know each other, then make plans to meet.
Essentially, this site is another version of a dating site. Treat your interactions as such.
You may want to consult the forums about clubs in your area. I donít see any listed under our club link, so try that.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Broken rule

Dear Lounge Advice,
My boyfriend broke one of our rules, he starting making out (Kissing and touching) a single female that we took to the party, while I was on the dance floor and when I went to the bathroom. I witnessed it with my own eyes. Everytime I turned my back they were at it, everytime I turned back to face them they stopped. He says he was pretty buzzed, but he knew what he was doing was wrong.(We had a simular problem with me letting a guy kiss me passionatly on the dance floor, 2 years ago). I dont know what or how to feel about it. I feel more like they were hiding what they were doing from me and I dont think a drunk person could do that.


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

A drunk person is sometimes even more capable of being sneaky.
Regardless, you both need to discuss this and perhaps ask each other if the rules you have set are ídoableí, since youíve both had lapses. Perhaps also, you need to let the other person (single female or male) know what your rules are too. Perhaps it would be easier to revisit temptation to break the rules if the other person knows it isnít allowed.
Perhaps since you both broke the same rule. You can both just call it even and start over fresh and agree to actually follow the rules from here on out.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Female half passed away

Donít really want it printed but here it goes. We were in the lifestyle a bit and enjoyed very much. However the girl in the relationship has passed away. So now I am a single guy that will be looking for a girl that is into or curious bout the lifestyle in the future.where do I even begin??? Hope you can direct me in the right direction. Thank you

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

No offense intended to you, but a very dear LS couple to me lost the female half’s life suddenly, and I am too much in mourning to even answer this properly.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Slow progress so far

Dear Lounge Advice, My husband and I are new to this lifestyle, and we are having trouble trying to find another couple for full swap same room....people seem interested in us, but then when we ask if they wanna meet, they quit talking to us all together...what should we do?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Keep lo lugging on- it takes a bit of patience in the beginning. Hopefully, youíre validated as írealí in order to facilitate the process, have plenty of quality photos and a well written profile articulating your wants and needs. If you are lacking in any of those crucial areas, do some additional profile primping then keep on initiating contact until you find a match.

  ASKROBYN
Question: She is getting all the fun while Iím left out

Dear Lounge Advice,
We have a couple we played with a few times and everything was great! One day his wife was out of town and I was working so he took my wife out alone. Soon it was a regular thing. I asked for it to slow down and I brought up the idea she is getting too involved. One hint this was more serious was my wife didnít care for being ejaculated in. She lets him finishes inside of her every time with no hesitation from her, he does asks first. Ivíe spent the last 15 years pulling out. Donít ask me how I figured he was loading her up, but it is salty! I guess she didnít want to tell me it was happening. It was always "I couldnít finish oh well" (Then why did you loose your erection?) She says he enjoys that part...aahh so do I....one time right after I reluctantly accepted this extra lube in her I started to finish in her and she tried to push me off of her! She said he cums a whole lot and she didnít want to drain like a tub with both of us, OK I was pissed! His wife sees what I see but canít be the one to stop it either I thought and I canít stop it without being punished. I asked her not to go anymore and I found myself without sex for 101 straight days! And yes I counted...From then on it has been a three not a four thing. His wife will not let them go out unless sheís with them and joins in. And yes I thought this was the final straw! Competition from a slightly jealous wife watching and getting more jealous! I was going to win after all! I know my wife is into guys and has never mention girls. One night I was lucky enough to join in and I was floored when I seen my wife french kissing, sucking her titties, fingering and leg locking his wife! His wife loves GIRLS! YES, I loose again....... Yes, I know this was not for me it was all for him. And now my wife does not want to do full swaps anymore, She doesnít want anybody watching her.... She ask is it ok if she could go with a guy by herself? This is her way of saying do you want the red pill or the blue pill? You have to take one. And yes my wife has been holding out till after there together then I can get some. Im getting tired of all this and have a choice. Stop it and be sex free for life. I love sex with my wife but I canít stand If I want it she conditions it on me being really sloppy seconds. Donít get me wrong I love my wife and she is awesome! Just a spoiled rotten shit!!! Just caught up in something I should of stayed away from. Do I try to even the consequence by going out with some hot girl who can take up all my time? Oh, And I will need that hot girl,

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You may not want to hear this, but you guys donít need to be in this lifestyle. These are the very situations that make relationships crumble. There is too much selfishness going on here to continue doing ANYTHING further outside your marriage. If it continues on like this, your relationship will crumble. Itís not getting any better, now is it?
Perhaps there are some foundational íflawsí in your marriage that are being exacerbated due to this unnecessary activity.
Sorry to make a pun here, but you BOTH need to pull out, quickly.
Thatís the only sane immediate solution.

  ASKROBYN
Question: How to approach a female for a 3some

Dear Lounge Advice, my husband of 17 years wants a threesome. Problem is I donít know to give it to him. How do you approach another female without sounding dirty or weird?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Well you are in the right place. Thatís the normal thing to do around here. Just seek out single females, send them an email saying hello and take it from there. Just be sure to describe in your profile what you seek so people know what to expect when they begin an interaction with you.
Iíd advise going into the advice archives to find the category entitled ísingle femalesí in the "Lifestyle Etiquette" section and do some reading. There is over a decade worth of advice on this very popular subject that can surely be helpful to you in your quest.

If you are seeking specific advice on how to approach females in real life, face to face, on the subject, that is also covered in there.

Good luck!

  ASKROBYN
Question: The awkward unwanted pursuit after a few play sessions.

Dear Lounge Advice,

We met a very nice couple about a year ago. Since then weíve attended a few parties theyíve thrown and have played with them three times.

The first two times we played together it was a soft swap situation at a sex party. However, the third time we played, it was only the four of us.

The sex was just OK for my wife and me. However, it seems that they had a different experience from us and loved the sex.

Theyíre very interested in playing with us again. We arenít interested in playing with them.

Weíve tried dodging them and casually distancing ourselves but they are persistent. They text us weekly asking to get together and weíre running out of excuses.

We feel bad and arenít sure how to say no without hurting their feelings and ruining the friendship weíve built with them.

What should we do?



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

This is when I would just ask them sweetly "Would you guys be offended if we hang out without play expectations".
If they are friends, they wonít hesitate to say yes.
If they ask you for a reason, you could always say that youíre taking a break from the playing, but staying in the scene.
If youíre not comfortable lying, and youíre not comfortable dodging them, then you have to delicately go with the truth and see how they handle it and proceed from there.
This is the time your friendship will be tested. If they stop talking to you, well, then two problems are solved-whether it is a real relationship, and the dilemma of being pursued.

Or, here is an alternative:
Your wife can pull the other wife aside and have a ígirl talkí . She can tell the other wife that sheís not vibing in the other husband anymore, but doesnít want to hurt his feeling, and felt safe/comfortable going to her about the truth.

Itís one of those situations between women that creates an understanding and non-confrontational, less awkward deployment of your feelings toward the couple.
Letís face it though- this tactic will only work woman to woman. Donít try it with hubby going to the other hubby. I probably shouldnít have to explain why.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Threats of being outed in the LS.

Dear Lounge Advice, Like all of us have made friends in the lifestyle. We now have a couple who we know they were not married but they have broken up & the one is threatening the other with exposing them to their boss & clients that they our swings if they do not do what they want. This person really has issue & we fill the need to help the one being threatening. Is it possible to send a person profile on here to others that our not members,

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Take this straight to the ADMINISTRATION profile and letís see what can be done for you.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Should we or shouldnít we include our faces.

Dear Lounge Advice,
We are new to this and want to know about privacy on the site. We noticed looking through the site that many people donít show there face. Should we be concerned about what people may do with our pictures from this site?
Thanks or your consideration

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Letís be perfectly open and honest here. If someone wants badly enough to snag your pictures and do something harmful with them, they will find a way to do so. Snagging pictures is VERY easy, regardless of any safety precautions put in place by the website.
Those who leave their faces out of pictures are simply taking precautions to be safe, especially of they have high profile or otherwise sensitive professions such as teaching, etc.
The question that you should be asking is: do you feel that the risk now or in the future warrants your deletion of your faces?
You always have the option of placing your face photos in a locked section and devising whom you allow to view. You can always allow temporary access to people of interest, then change your password to your private section after a 2-3 day viewing period.
Iíd say, if you worried even the smallest bit, air on the side of caution and lock your face pics in a private section.


  ASKROBYN
Question: The secret to good blowjobs?

Dear Lounge Advice,

I feel really inadequate and inexperienced in blow jobs. Any secrets?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Iím thinking back on how I learned. Since Iím an old fart and didnít have that íinternet thingyí when I was of the age to master the blowjob, and I would have been mortified to check out or buy literature on the topic, I became a student.
I told my college boyfriend that I didnít have much experience and he was MORE than happy to teach me what works.
I still use what he taught me. He was a damn good teacher. Ask the guys youíre with to tell you how they like it.
Even with all of my *ahem* experience! I always seem to find a guy who likes it a very particular way, so I still ask.
Rarely would a man look down on you for asking for guidance. Hell, theyíre usually just happy to have someone ípracticeí on them LOL.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Webcam control

Dear Lounge Advice, Hello, I watch a lot of girls web camming an they us a remote control to ajust their web cams do you know what they are using???

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Iím not sure, but I know itís not a cam that comes with the computer. I do my cam shows using my laptopís cam. Just go to your local tecchie store and ask about webcams with remote control.
I feel rather embarrassed not to know for sure since Iím a cam girl. I just stick with the basics, although that isnít ideal for everyone. Iím going to have to look into remote control myself.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Stockholm clubs

Dear Lounge Advice,

I am going to be in stockholm with my girlfriend and we want to try a swingers club while there. Can you give us a couple of recommendations. We like higher end , where you have choices of rooms and levels of participation (watching, being watched,swapping, and a variety of activities.

thanks,
cbd1

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Youíll need to consult the forums here for better results. Iíve never been there, nor have I heard of anyone who has.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Am I gay, bisexual or?

Dear Lounge Advice,
I have a anal sex problem. I like dildos and vibrators and basically everything ass related. My wife thinks Iím a gay bottom that is always going to be a girl wanna be and hates the fact that I would get fucked by a another guy and basically become the woman getting fucked and she would have to see that her man is completely helpless to another manís cock penetrating me. I have a certain amount of female aspects about myself and my sexuality change d along time ago but Iím still a man who loves all sexy pretty and horny females in general. I have experienced quite slot of anal practice solo while in my bedroom and in front of a mirror and by a man who knew that I wanted the real thing and had me convinced that I wanted to be a girl while I was getting fucked. I always use to where girls panties and practice how much I could take by buying toys and using them for the pure feelings of how it made me feel inside to how I looked while it was happening to me. My wife wants me to stop watching gay porn and thinks I have other guys who are in a circle that are in craigs list just to rear end me. I t is so confusing that she thinks Iím so gay that I am always posting pics and emails all the time when I have actually been keeping my act straight and only think and want to do something with her in that manor. We have in the past went far as the role reversal goes and me be on her end of the dildo. She has been trying before to accept my obsession of anal practice but hates that it makes me look like a sissyboy who only wants dick in his life but Iím so obsessed with her desires too. I feel like a confused little kid trying to break out of my shame. If only she would be accepted by the fact that Iím a anal type that likes to feel his prostate confidential orgasm. Cause honestly itís between us. But thus has a hold on us both and we some advice on the matter.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It sounds like you are one of two categories.


I donít believe you are gay, and just because you like anal doesnít make you gay NOR a ísissy boyí unless you act like a ísissy boyí. Art ya acting like a sissy boy? ;)

Either you are a bisexual that truly likes both men AND women, but your inclination is to build true, loving long term and sexual relationships with women, then you need to accept that and explain that to your wife. That doesnít mean that SHE needs to accept that, because thatís not quite what she married into. So please understand if she reacts adversely to this and doesnít want to keep your relationship the same, then itís understandable.
And in the long run itís better for both of you, because if you continue this way, youíll both be miserable.

The other option is that youíre a straight male who enjoys anal sex, which their are plenty of, period. You tried once with a man to see what that would be like. If you enjoyed that experience and canít wait to have that again, then youíre definitely bi sexual (refer back to my first classification)
But if not, you simply enjoy anal play. If this is the case, you need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you feel, how she feels, and come to some sort of compromise and resolution that makes you two happy, even if that means you both go your separate ways.



  ASKROBYN
Question: Chatting and Camming together

Dear Lounge Advice,
How can my wife and I cam from 2 computors

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

If youíre referring to camming on LL, I would suggest using the His and Her accounts feature. Click the link to sign up.

This feature will allow you to Chat in the chat room at the same time , yet with separate linked accounts.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Insecurity

Dear Lounge Advice,
We have been participating in lifestyle for the past 4 years. We are not heavy hitters. Wife still appears to be full of issues, but wants to remain in the game. She likes takeovers but not home parties, we go to swing clubs, most of the time.
She is mostly in for the girl-play, but occasionally drifts to a male, for fun.
The problem is that while she is having her fun, girl or guy, she always seem to get upset when I begin to have my fun, with the other female.
What gives? She seem to have a double standard. Iím suppose to go no further then soft-swap, while she enjoys the entire ride.
Sheís a hottie, but doesnít seem to know it. Iím thinking that she might be insecure about herself, or us.
I like the fact that she enjoys herself in LS, but I would also like to enjoy my time as well, without an infraction, for my actions. Your thoughts?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Classic signs of insecurity, either about herself or your relationship.
This needs to be a sit down, serious talk- non-confrontational. Open and honest.
The only way youíll start to get an understanding is by opening up a line of communication.
Ask her what she REALLY wants out of this lifestyle (I.e. rules/expectation/boundaries)

  ASKROBYN
Question: My wife plainly states sheís not interested in is, so Iím going to try a different angle

Dear Lounge Advice,

Iíve wanted to play with my wife in the lifestyle now for the past 5 years. She is not open to it at this point and now I find myself wanting to try something exciting or tempting fate.

1) Iíd prefer sharing her or finding a regular boy toy for her pleasure. Should I quietly find a soft swing couple or single male that is attracted to her for our weekend dates (concerts, clubs, etc)? It would be nice to see her interact normally with a man that wants her and see if she gets excited by him socially. She doesnít have to have sex with him for me to know once sheís attracted.


2) Do I find another couple or single woman that I can play with on the side? I still want to enjoy MFM threesomes somehow.

Sincerely,

Kinky and Confused

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Yeah, youíll be tempting fate, alright.
Why are you wanting to find a boy toy for her? For her pleasure, as you claim, or because if you ígiveí her that, then youíre free to finally get your wish and play in the lifestyle
You know how this sounds right?
She hasnít been open to it for five years, and now youíre trying to íwork the systemí to figure out how to get involved yourself?
Now, letís look at the facts- us women, especially when playing solo, are MUCH more in demand
So, what happens when you give her playtime permission with another man or couple, then you canít find the same.

Wouldnít that be ironic.
How about this- if you want so badly to do the lifestyle, mmf thing, how about you do it without manipulating someone who has plainly shown no interest- do it as a legit single male.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Single female needs more attention!

Dear Lounge Advice,
Iím a woman whoís hit 50 and I never thought about it before but I feel like suddenly my age matters. I think I look about the same and Iím no longer getting the attention I used to and itís starting to freak me out. Iím wondering what I can do to figure it out. I feel like I am getting dissed even tho I am still seeking partners my same age. Any suggestions?
S.s

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

There are so many factors to take into consideration here that I canít begin to know from my side.
For example, I have a single female friend who is MY age, but got so drunk at every meeting, started fights, etc, that she was having this very problem you describe after a while.
I canít assume to know what exactly it is, or even if its just simply your perception being the main issue.
You can always ask someone you trust that can be honest with you. I donít know you, so I donít feel qualified to give you a definitive reason why this is occurring.
Hell, Iím a single and I donít get much attention here either, lol. If that make ya feel any better ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Little Unicorn

Dear Lounge Advice,

What does the term ... Little Unicorn ..... Mean in the lifestyle

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Unicorn means a single female .
A little unicorn is a midget single female I guess.
Iím the former, lol.

  ASKROBYN
Question: San Fran clubs

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are headed to san francisco for the memorial day weekend. What are the best on site play clubs to attend. Meet good people that are more interested in playing then just socializing?

Any day events?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Check out the home page. There is a link there with all of the club listing in the country.

  ASKROBYN
Question: ED goodies

Dear Lounge Advice,

Reading your past advice on viagra connections; please pass your info along :)

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Contact DRLOVE here on LL :-) you wonít be disappointed.

  ASKROBYN
Question: How to tackle suspected posers.

Dear Lounge Advice,

What do you do if you interact with someone online but feel like maybe they are not who they say they are ie male posing as female?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Ask them to talk on the phone. If they refuse, tell the, you are no longer willing to interact further due to doubts about their authenticity.
Usually the fakes get all huffy and offended, and pull the íhow dare youí card, or else they will claim that they are ínot readyí to take that step.
In that case, tell them that youíll still be around when thy are ready, but currently donít feel comfortable continuing communication without validation of their gender.
Hell, Iíve gone so far in the past as to request a simple picture of them holding a sign with their name or username. The real ones have done it without pause. The fake ones usually say, íonly if you do it firstí.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Free riding wifey!!

Dear Lounge Advice,
Please explain how my wife feels so entitled to her lifestyle? She has never worked and i make a seven figure annual income. When i ask her to arrange vacations or trips....all for leisure....she cannot be bothered. Itís almost like she expects to have everything be at her option or discretion......she does not work.

.I almost dumbfounded as I have had numerous woman approach me to suggest I am being taken advantage of....and that they would volunteer to be her replacement ...hah..hah.

She grew up in modest means and we have three teenage sons. All of her activities are leisurely and volunteer activities ....no elderly parents to care for etc.

I think I did this to myself .....I allowed her to think this was ok...
Any advice for me.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Add one more candidate for replacement, LOL
Well, one of my very dear friends recently just ended a marriage with a woman exactly like this.
Yes, your friends are right. You are OBVIOUSLY being taken advantage of. Thatís a no-brained.
Youíve created a monster though by enabling her. You keep giving and giving freely and she has been conditions to expect it.
Hello, Mr. Self Made Doormat :)

Perhaps you are looooooong overdue for setting an ultimatum and sticking to it.


Script:
You have been getting a free ride for too long, without even offering to pick up a hand to help out. This is NOT fair, and no longer acceptable. A marriage comprises the efforts of TWO. So far, it has just been ONE.
This (insert action and expected result of your choice) will occur, or else I feel that I have the right to (insert action you will take) .

You may have enabled her and allowed her to think that it was okay, but you need to make it clear that it is NO LONGER OK.
There are many other women out there that are appreciative and hard-working.
This isnít time to cater/bend/buckle or allow her excuses to fly.
Time for tough love hon. Nobody is entitled to a free ride in this life.


  ASKROBYN
Question: 100% Real

Dear Lounge Advice,

Iím new to the lifestyle. How can I get certified 100% Real? I want to take full advantage of membership in LL, but there are many areas that are off limits to any that are not certified 100% Real.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Take a pic of yourself holding a sign with your member name and the date. Send it into ADMINISTRATION and youíre certified. Or, if you meet someone, ask them to certify ya ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Ankle bracelets and hidden meanings

Dear Lounge Advice,

Iíve read on other sites about ankle bracelets (right leg) for ladies. Can you clarify any specific meaning? Is it just to suggest a "hot wife" or something more?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Iíve heard about pinky rings, house flags, special tattoos, shaved chihuahuas, and so many other things suspected to be indicators of LS or sexuality. I donít put any stock into those things. Donít interpret it as anything more than an ankle bracelet.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Alerting other to behavior of a single female

Dear Lounge Advice,
I met a girl from here recently in which I was a complete gentleman. However, she was a bit on the scary and emotional unstable side, so much that I feared a little bit for my life. How can I maintain respectable reputation in LL and still Warn those that could be affected? I am a single guy and really worry about my reputation within the Lifestyle. This truly worries me about her.

Thanks in advance,
Scared Sexless!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Unfortunately, itís your word against hers. If you start saying these things about her to people without being asked to share, you may look like the bad guy. Think about it- lifestyles sometimes tend to frown upon single males, and covet single females.
So, no matter what your experience was, you may be seen as a gossip. Or, if a couple wants their single female experience badly enough, they may downplay what you have to say about her and decide its worth the risk.
Now, if she is actively trying to trash your reputation, then by all means, defend yourself if someone approaches you with false accusations.
Personally, Iíd just let it go and move on. If she acts like an ass to others, word will get out and her own reputation will eventually suffer.
Iíd actually like to hear what our forum says about this.
Would you like for me to post your question anonymously?

  ASKROBYN
Question: Long distance relationship for a short while

Dear Lounge Advice,
My boyfriend and I our about to be in a long distance relationship for a few months. How do we let other couples know and not have them get mad or irritated that we are not going to be the full couple package.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Wy are you worried about what others will think about this? If others get irritated, should you give a damn about them then? You canít control how others will feel. Your priority is school right now, NOT worrying about what other people ífeelí about the sexual arrangement. Keep your priorities straight.

  ASKROBYN
Question: An obvious answer

Dear Lounge Advice,

My now ex boyfriend and I ave been in the lifestyle for the last 6yrs. Of which he was also constantly cheating on me. He finally broke t up with me last week but would like to still see me at his convenience.
We have a lifestyle trip booked and he would rathe not cancel. If I do go, Iím not sure what to do? Play or not play? It may be awkward. Should I get totally involved like we use to, and have him see how great it was? Or not sense we are not committed anymore?
Soo confused..... He keeps telling me how much he canít wait to see me with other women and meet new couples, but yet here in town I donít even get to have sex with him anymore!!

To Play or not to Play....

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You were in the lifestyle together, and he STILL cheated on you.
He only wants to keep using you to get other couples/females. Without you, how would he get to do that? Donít be a fool.
Do what YOU want to do. If he obviously didnít care about your feelings when you were together, why would you give a damn about him now that youíre not even a couple anymore?

  ASKROBYN
Question: Wy does he prefer Porn over real sex?

Dear Lounge Advice,

watching porno....why would a man prefer this or alt sexaul entities verses a hot, sexy , melt when he touches me woman?


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

If I knew the answer to this question, my marriage would have been in different shape. I was married to a man who preferred porn over me. For us to understand that, weíd need to be inside their minds. And I donít know about you, but I donít want any part of the kind of thinking that allows a man to pick porn over a beautiful willing woman.

Another case of Venus vs, Mars that I never have figured out.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Boundary Breach

Dear Lounge Advice, My wife and I have been married for 25+ years and, while talking about it for a long time, just recently became a full swap couple. The first time was in a club, private room, with an interatial couple that was awesome. The second, in the same club, was kind of a pile of people, that was awesome. The last time, we met a couple at the club and hit it off right away. We all went into the couples room and played and migrated to full swap. I enjoyed watching my wife in multiple positions with the guy as I was enjoying his wife. I ended up having some errection issues from to much play with my wife earlier in the day but we made do! After the man came in my wife, the condom had come off, I assumed they were done. I said the lady in I would be close behind as we were almost done as well. When we walked into the area where we assumed our spouses would be talking and waiting for us to catch up, they were fucking hard core. Prior to that, I had no issues but this upset me. I felt it broke our same room rule and even felt that their connection had gone to far to fast.

We are continuing to swing and have fun however, when I mentioned my concern about what had happened, she felt I was being a control freak even though I told her I felt it broke our rules. Am I just being insecure or should I just forget it and move on? We will be seeing this couple again and I have a fear she may be looking forward more than she is letting on.



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Letís make this simple. Rules are agreed on for a reason. If they canít be followed, then they need to be amended or revisited. What is the point o making rules if they arenít to be followed?
Sit down with her and talk about how your rules need o be adjusted, if necessary. If you both agree that the rules are good as is, you should both agree that they should be adhered to. She is in the wrong here if the rules were set and that occurred. Hopefully, the rules WERE clear to begin with,because if they werenít, nobody is really at fault. You just need to clarify the boundaries and stick to them.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Ed meds

Dear Lounge Advice,

Iím looking for an online pharmacy for Levitra or Cialis. Iíve never tried either and would like to give it a shot. Thanks!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Contact DRLOVE here on LL for your needs ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Underlying problems and continuing in the LS

Dear Lounge Advice,

My partner and I have been in the LS for off and on for 3-4 years and have had some great times. Right now we are in a junction where she is not sure if she wants to continue as a couple given some past issues with me and my ex. We are working through that but as you can imagine our relationship is on shaky grounds.

She is of the opinion that we should be ok to continue in the LS regardless because she "is able to separate" the LS and what is going on with us. I disagree and told her that we need a solid/secure/trusting relationship. She feels it is just fun and she takes it as fun only.

What is the best approach? Should we continue and keep communicating and just have "fun".


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You are the one who is correct in this situation. Your relationship has issues and continuing in this lifestyle can magnify these problems, sending your relationship into deeper trouble. There is no point in being in the LS if you donít have trust and security between you.
In addition, others will pick up on it and shy away from you.
Iíll leave you with a saying I have always used in situations like this:
The lifestyle is like the wind to a fire. If your fire is strong, the LS can be the wind that makes your flame burn brighter. If your fie is weak, the lifestyle will be the wind that eventually extinguishes your flame.

Think about it.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Single female asking essential questions

Dear Lounge Advice,

I keep hearing how difficult it is to find a single female for 3sum/group play. well, here I am!

Do any single members have any pointers on how to safely find the "right" couple?

Couples: What are you looking for when you search for a single female?

Also, no group in my area has current postings...most are at least two years old. Are there any good lifestyle clubs/parties in the North or Cenral FL area?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Please look for your question in the forum. I will post it there under my name since it appears that you seek multiple views on your question.
It will be entitled: " Questions from a Single Female"

  ASKROBYN
Question: Real seal concerns

Dear Lounge Advice,

Weíre new here and having trouble meeting Real Seal couples to get certified ourselves. That said, weíre reluctant to send a picture of us that clearly ties us to the site and our member name. I know there are plenty of ways to photoshop something incriminating together, but...

Can you tell us what Lifestyle Lounge does with the 100% Real Seal request pictures it receives from members? I know there really is no guarantee that any of our information is secure anymore, but we might feel more comfortable using this method of verification if we knew these pictures werenít saved somewhere.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

The owner keeps them in a special file in case someone questions the validity of your real seal, thatís it. You may blur out your faces as long as your sign includes the requisite information. Hope this helps.

robyn

  ASKROBYN
Question: Sexual Frustrations

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I are very into each other and always had great sex. I could make her cum easily and pretty fast. After having children things changed. She is very very hard to make cum although her vibrator still gets her off. I feel bad because I am only lasting 15-30 minutes and this doesnít seem to be long enough these days to get her off. Iím more than willing to go for round 2 or 3 to complete her but, after I ejaculate I lose my erection for 10-15 minutes. In that time she says her high has come down and she rather not. Likewise while having intercourse she gets very upset when I slow down or stop thrusting to gather myself. I tell her Iím slowing down to get a second wind so i donít cum so fast. She says that makes her lose her peak as well. Iím lost and frustrated. I will add that our lives have drastically changed since we had our 2 kids. Iím just not sure if the birth process is at fault, her weight gain (she feels in attractive) or just sheer exhaustion from tussling with the kids. Any ideas how I can get her off again?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

This is a complicated situation that seems to have many variables at play. With this level of complication, you are both suited best to see a professional sex therapist. This is one of these questions that I do not feel I am qualified to answer thoroughly enough to help. This is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. I strongly urge you to seek out someone qualified to help you both through this predicament.

  ASKROBYN
Question: First time attire

Dear Lounge Advice, Hi, Iím a 30 something female wondering what I should wear to our first trip to a swingers club? Jeans, dress, slutty.....

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Think close to nightclub attire. If you dress like youíre going to a nightclub, it will be perfect!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Finding single females

Dear Lounge Advice, my girl and i are young and looking for single bi-sexual females to have adult fun with, but we are striking out bad, we live in fort Myers, Fl and have tried clubs,bars and online but have found fakers, liars, and people leading us on. what should we do.

Sincerely, B&N

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hi there,
This is a commonly covered subject here. I highly encourage you to check into our Lounge Archives and do some reading in the section entitled "Single Females". Itís very comprehensive since this is a FAQ here.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Nipple piercings

Dear Lounge Advice,

I have been using clamps on my nipples and find it very exciting... My partner and I are talking about me getting my nipples pierced, is there anyone who can tell me about how long is the healing process.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Itís normally 6-8 weeks, but the size of your breasts is a factor in the healing process. The larger your breasts are, the longer they typically take to heal. You donít realize how much your nipples rub and pull until you get them pierced. With smaller breasts, that isnít as much of an issue.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Cialis

Dear Lounge Advice,

Hi! I was wondering if you can reccommend a place to get Cialis online. Thanks so much

Paul

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Youíve got mail ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Dress code

Dear Lounge Advice, Iím new but very excited about the lifestyle. So what does a man wear to a meet a greet? Are jeans and a nice shirt ok or should I be dressed up with dockers or something like that?


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

The classier , the better. Jeans and a classy, fashionable shirt are fine. Itís more in the way you carry and conduct yourself. Make sure your behavior is even classier than your dress.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Anal cleansing

Dear Lounge Advice,

I wanted to offer a suggestion on anal cleansing I havenít read in the advice, and I think itís worth the addition. How do I do that?

Blacksand

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Just submit it as a question and Iíll edit it up as a contribution :-)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Noobs

Dear Lounge Advice, Hi me and my husband are really new to this lifestyle. We really dont know what to do. we need alot of advice. What we are looking for is a couple and/or bi female.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

First, go take a look at the advice archives here. We have over a decadeís worth of advice , categorized by topic. Almost everything under the sun is covered there. Once youíve gotten some reading done, and have any more questions that werenít covered there, come on back and ask away ;)

  ASKROBYN
Question: Gay and coming out to my wife

Dear Lounge Advice,
Hi i have just in the past 4 weeks come out of the closet lets say with my wife we have been together since jan 2012 , we have had problems with not enough sex to please her, finally i told her the truth since 1998 i have been gay and only had sex with men up until we got together and i am trying really hard to enjoy the female body parts but i prefer to have oral and anal with men, now i have gotten us to join the swinging lifestyle so my wife can get her male fix and so can i, she is having a hard time thinking she is unattractive because im not into having sex with her even though i love her so much and have given up my men for her , please any advice she thinks i will leave her for a man after awhile.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I have taken some time to really think about this. Iíve come to the conclusion that my advice is not appropriate for this situation. This is truly beyond my scope and I do not feel qualified to answer this.
This issue belongs in the hands of a certified professional. I would not feel right, nor qualified, to answer such an involved marital problem.
Please consider taking this to a marriage counselor if you havenít done so already.

  ASKROBYN
Question: San Fransicsco clubs

Dear Lounge Advice,
We are a couple traveling to San Francisco the first weekend of June and we are looking for a club that allows single men, which seems hard to find in that area. Any suggestions, as we are not looking to play with other couples or single females?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Iíd suggest posting your question to our forum since I am not too familiar with that particular area.

  ASKROBYN
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